


Reading Too Much Into It

by MistressCelia (MissCeliaKnight)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 00:54:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCeliaKnight/pseuds/MistressCelia
Summary: What a phenomenal time to have a break down about shit that happened to you as a kid... When practically no one is online. So, what an equally phenomenal time to have a total melt down about it... When practically no one can stop you.





	Reading Too Much Into It

**Author's Note:**

> paragraphs in italics are his thoughts.

It had happened because of a conversation with Jason. He lied and said he was going to bed to end it. It wasn’t his fault, and honestly Dick worried maybe he was misreading the conversation. He tended to do that if it wasn’t a verbal conversation, but it was usually just with sarcasm. He was reading too much into it. He was thinking too much about it. That was likely all it was, but…

Since he couldn’t shake the feeling, he the conversation to Tim. He asked him to read it and confirm or deny if he was overreacting, all while the feeling sat in his stomach like churning bile and rotting, knotted hair.

 **Tim:** _I mean he’s probably drunk since he’s babbling, but it’s nothing to worry about?_

Tim offered, the feeling rising to his throat and forcing his jaw to lock up.

Right. Nothing to worry about. Meaning Dick was the one over reacting. It was a problem with himself. Right. So… What the hell made him react like this? Made him want to puke when he’d literally never had this problem before in his life ever; he’d never had a conversation with someone and then wanted to throw up, so… So what the hell was wrong with him?

What the _fuck_ was his problem?

Seriously it was just Jason- he’d known him all his damn life. Sure they didn’t talk as much as they should have, but that was his _brother_. Brother. Boundaries. Not _really_ his brother… _Shush_.

He was speaking a bit different than their prior conversations, but it wasn’t like he was hitting on him. It was just hard to read. Overly affectionate. Dick was the one that made it awkward, it’s _fine_.

But in spite of Tim’s reply, he sent it to Wally and Wally agreed it read kind of creepy, which reinstillied the notion in his head. But by the time he replied, Dick had already figured out the reasoning behind why the hell he’d suddenly lost his shit at this conversation when normally he’d make a disgusted face, laugh it off, or just block him for a bit if not outright stop talking to him unless he needed to.

He was reading it wrong, that was all. Jason didn’t mean for it to come off as ‘I want to be more than your brother to you’ or ‘you’ve grown up a lot and look so damn gorgeous’ or just…. Rape. _Don’t touch, don’t like, dark hands_ \- just…

He shook the thought off and felt his eyes well up.

 **Dick:** _Can you call me?_

He requested frantically, having to retype the words several times as he sent them to several different people at once.

 **Dick:** _Please?_

 **Dick:** _Even if you’re not talking_

 **Dick:** _I just_

 **Dick:** _Please?_

He requested with complete disregard for how pathetic he sounded. He needed another physical person to be there.

The reply didn’t come right away and he shot down the thoughts of ‘no one cares, suck it up’. Of course they cared, it was just late and they were likely in bed or busy just… Stop, don’t- cry. Fuck.

He wiped at his eyes, the realization of course hitting him, but he didn’t feel an ounce of blame. He felt _guilty_ for reading what Jason had written like that, even if Wally agreed it read unusually.

Wally just wanted to agree with him, that was all. It was a lack of context, it was his own fault even if they were screenshots. Stop being so fucking desperate to be right. Shut- _hips, dark_ \- He choked on trying to be silent.

Kori called him.

He deleted his desperate- no… _pathetic_ messages. Hide his shame.

It was late and she had to whisper to avoid waking Roy up, but she called him while he kept himself muted and sobbed into his phone, sending her IMs while she spoke in hushed tones into the receiver.

 **Korri:** _I’ll be here all night if you need me, okay? I have to mute too though, I think I just woke him up._

 **Dick:** _It’s okay._

It’s okay. Of course it was okay. He was being selfish after all.

Tim kept sending him vines.

He still felt nauseous but got over crying quickly than he thought he would. Should he be crying more? He should have cried more, he was _faking it_. Stop being disgusting.

_Bruce._

_Calm down… It’s okay, just… let it happen or whatever. Right? Just… Cry it out or something just… go… Fucking do something._ Dick glanced at the floor as if considering doing push ups, but he was sure his entire body was trembling and he didn’t want to mess up a push up or something just to burst into tears again just…

Think it out. It’s… mostly okay.

Kind of.

_Not really…_

He felt his eyes well up again.

You’d think he’d hate him… But he didn’t. Bruce meant the world to him, in spite of what he did. He read that people learned what had happened to them as kids like magically unlocking pandora’s box of sin- and it had happened to him all of once and he really preferred it didn’t happen ever again- and that they hated the person who did it to them, but he just… He didn’t. He adored Bruce. They _joked_ about it once.

It was in the kitchen. He forgot what was being made. _“Good thing we’re not REALLY related, right?”_ Or something like that… Or whatever…

He pressed his hand to his mouth.

Just… Think about it, it’s okay. No one is going to hate you if you think about it… If you walk yourself through why you freaked out, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell them either, just…

Kori stopped replying to his messages. He figured she passed out. Or something happened. He ignored it.

He desperately looked for something to say about the vines Wally sent him. It was obvious, it was pathetic. He hit send.

Wally offered for a second time that he could come over if Dick wanted him to.

He didn’t. Not when he just wanted to fucking cry about himself and didn’t want anyone to look at him. He felt so damn… _guilty_ …!!!

_Just… It’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay…_

His eyes welled up again.

_It’s okay. You had an episode because Jay reminded you of what happened with Bruce. He didn’t mean it. It wasn’t his fault. And it took you a minute to realize it too, it’s okay. You just…_

_You were a KID._

But he couldn’t… couldn’t hate him. Even when it clicked how fucked that was he just… He couldn’t. He loved him, always did. Always missed him and wanted to reach out to him and have Bruce praise him like _when he was a kid._

It’s just pretend.

_Pretend that’s… so fucked up. He didn't know any better..._

Matches and Robbie.

_God that’s so fucked up- it was just PRETEND… It felt good..._

He whimpered pathetically before he started to outright sob. He quietly collected himself, wiping at tears.

Everyone had pretty much gone offline now…

_It’s okay. They’re tired Dick, let them sleep. Just… Once more try again. Address it. Get over.  Get fucking over it you big fucking baby- christ what is your damage? Well obviously a lot- shut. Up. Seriously shut up. God can you ever shut up? You’re zero or one hundred you just…_

He whimpered again, hands over his mouth.

_Handle it. And handle it alone. Like you wanted to._

_Shhh, it’s okay…_

_Just… If you cry it’s okay just let it go. Let it happen. Just get rid of the gross feeling in your stomach and on your skin like a disgusting film… but Bruce isn’t gross, he was never gross._

_He was… nice. Good. Kind. Even as Matches._

Even as Matches his touches never hurt… God damn did they really go _that_ far?

_Pretend._

Fuck…

_WET and WARM inside._

God damn it…

Now he wanted to fucking masturbate and he wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It made logical sense, but… he still felt disgusted.

He just… Should sleep it was so late it was early… Right… Jay had wanted to come visit… Dick didn’t want him anywhere near him. Not right now. Just… He wasn’t. He won’t.

_People say they’ll do shit all of the time, it’s fine, he won’t._

_That won’t happen._

_He’s your brother. It read weird. It’s okay. He’s not going to try to… He knows you’re already with someone anyway. You JOKED about it._

Fuck…

The parallels hurt.

…He wanted to text Bruce now… But it was late… and he should sleep. Besides… no one else was up anyway.

Just Dick rummaging around in his own head again… Being stupid.

He went to bed feeling nauseous.

**Author's Note:**

> http://missceliaknight.tumblr.com/


End file.
